I was really surprised when I heard my client start our session off like this:
“I just feel like I’m failing as an adult these days.”
This took me off guard, because this client takes impeccable care of herself.
👉🏿cooks healthy food
👉🏿takes care of her health & body
👉🏿manages a successful career that she loves
Honestly, she knows she does those things, too.
And yet, she still didn’t feel like she was doing enough that day.
There’s definitely an internal element here of my client being overly focused on all the things she’s not doing – and not focusing at all on the things she is doing.
She also was completely discounting all of the things she’s done as unimportant, unimpressive, and ‘basic’ things that don’t deserve celebration or respect.
(If you do this too, please stop believing these kinds of thoughts – and start challenging yourself to think something more helpful.)
But this issue isn’t purely internal – it’s societal, too.
We live in a capitalistic society that creates impossible standards for us in our personal and professional lives.
If you do all of the things you’re supposed to do, you’re a “good,” “respectable,” “worthy” member of society.
And if you don’t?
You’re lazy, worthless, and embarrassing.
Sure, we learn this message from the media and the external world…
…but the biggest policing force behind the morality of productivity are our community members, who judge us if we don’t do all the things we’re supposed to do as leaders, parents, adults, etc.
(Even though they hate doing all this shit, too.)
That’s why you (and my client) feel like you’re failing as an adult, sometimes.
It’s not because you actually care about most of these things that you have to do – it’s because it feels fundamentally unsafe socially and emotionally to not get shit done.
If you know logically that you’re doing plenty, but on a body level, feel like it’s not enough…here’s why:
It’s because even though your brain knows the truth, your body (and nervous system) is stuck and hasn’t quite caught up.
So, how do you overcome it?
You can’t just journal, meditate, or talk your way out of this one.
Instead, you’ve gotta dive deep on a body level to:
👉🏿understand what your body is really afraid of
👉🏿learn what your body really needs to feel safe (no, it’s not just getting shit done)
👉🏿help you feel, on a deep, body level that it’s okay to not have everything done
After one session, this work likely won’t be done.
You have to notice & mark when this failure feeling shows up, and instead of believing it – you have to practice helping your body feel safe in the moment so that your nervous system can be reminded that it’s okay even when things aren’t getting done.
It’s not easy work – but if you’re committed to doing it, it’ll change your life in so many ways.
You’ll finally be able to:
🔥rest and feel zero guilt doing it
🔥stop beating yourself up when you’re not being a perfect leader/adult/parent/partner/friend
🔥move through anxiety in the moment, instead of letting it terrorize you for weeks or months
🔥feel confident in how fucking fantastic you already are – without any changes
🔥feel peace in your day to day life.
I know, because I’ve done this work over and over again with clients, and if you’re interested – I could support you, too.
I’ve got one spot left in my coaching practice and then my practice is full until February 2024.
So if you want in, click here to learn more about working with me and to schedule your call, boo.