big mistake. HUGE.

Jun 12, 2023

Do you ever set unrealistic goals for yourself…

…and then completely beat yourself up for not achieving them?

If so, you’re probably a lot like my client, Joy.

Joy knows her goals as a leader are too unrealistic, and yet – she can’t stop herself from setting them.

When we dug deeper, here’s what she mentioned gets in the way:

“I feel like I have to work twice as hard to keep my job – and if I do any less, someone will try to take advantage and sabotage me.”

If you relate to this, I’m not surprised.

Just like I wasn’t surprised when Joy told me…

…because tbh, I already knew she was going to say that.

See, I’ve worked with hundreds of folks of color, from across different diasporas, countries, and continents.


At this point, based on someone’s intersectional identities, I can tell you: 

👉🏿certain struggles & experiences they’re likely to have had

👉🏿unhelpful lessons they’ve likely learned from community

👉🏿different unhelpful thoughts, stories, and feelings they’re likely to have had


And based on Joy’s identities – I knew without her telling me that

  1. She’d feel this way
  2. She’s had real, lived experiences in the workplace that back this up


Because I have that knowledge, I didn’t do what a white coach would do in this moment – aka challenge her to just “change her thinking” so that she could have more reasonable goals and do less.

Instead, I did something completely different.

I honored her lived experience and normalized that as a person of color, people truly are holding us to different standards sometimes, and looking for reasons to cut us down. 

Then, I asked her how safe it really was for her to do less at this moment.

Based on her response to that – we made small, tiny tweaks to her goals, so that she was still being a little more realistic, but also felt safe.

This is why having a white coach is a…

When you have a coach of color, you:

1️⃣ have to explain less 

…which means you 

✨spend more time coaching

✨less time being someone’s personal DEI expert

✨can get new perspectives on how this relates to cultural norms or lived experiences that didn’t even occur to you.


2️⃣feel safe naming things you normally wouldn’t

…which leads to you getting deeper, better support – because you can actually talk about how what you’re experiencing feels like it’s related to your race, without walking on eggshells or being worried that you’ll offend your white support system.


3️⃣don’t get bad advice

…because let’s be honest, some pieces of advice like:

❌”if you hate your job, just quit -you’ll find the next thing!”


❌”you’ve just gotta have better boundaries with your parents, and if you do, they’ll respect them!”

well, that’s white people shit lol.


Are you ready to finally get the deeper, tailored support that you need as a person of color?

Then you should definitely schedule a time to have a free discovery session with me.

During that call, we’ll talk about what you’re experiencing right now, and how I can help you overcome your current roadblocks.

But we’ll do so much more than that, too.


We’ll talk about how your experiences are impacted by your identity as a:

👉🏿person of color


👉🏿child of immigrants/refugees

👉🏿queer person

👉🏿gender non-conforming person

👉🏿neurodivergent person


and so much more.

Ready to change the way you show up as a leader and in your life?

Click here to learn more about working with me, and to schedule a time to talk.




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