Do you avoid difficult conversations?

Maybe you feel stressed for days ahead of time, anticipating everything that could go wrong, or you go in expecting conflict or a fight.

If so, you’re just like pretty much every single leader of color I work with…

…which means I’ve got some important tips for you 🥳

📣Stop calling it a “conflict” or “difficult” conversation 📣

Your body is hardwired to avoid things that will be hard or unpleasant, which means that if you view this conversation this way, you’re guaranteed to feel anxious, drag your feet, and feel dysregulated going into the conversation.

Catch yourself when you describe it this way and challenge it – is it 100% certain this will be a conflict?  Is it 100% sure this conversation will be difficult?

Make sure you’re being honest here, and not speaking from your fears.

If it isn’t 100% sure to be an awful conversation…then you’ll move to the next stage 👇🏿

📣 Ask yourself, “What if this went well?” 📣

When we think about how these conversations will go, our brain’s instinct is to imagine all the ways it’ll go wrong.

This is yet another survival mechanism from our body, helping us be prepared and avoid harm.

We become certain that it’ll go poorly, or be painful, but the truth is that this isn’t always the way the conversation will go.

Sometimes (a lot of times) you’ll leave a conversation thinking, “That didn’t go as poorly as I expected” or realizing that it isn’t wasn’t deep, and you spent days or weeks stressing over nothing.

This is why it’s so important that you try to think about what could potentially go well with the conversation – because it MIGHT go well, and focusing on this side makes you less stressed, and helps you remember that the situation might not be as dangerous or scary as you originally thought.

📣 Remember you have some control over how the conversation goes 📣

Sometimes, we go into a conversation expecting it to go poorly, and that impacts the way we show up.

We’re defensive, or on attack mode, or we even take things the other person says as an attack when they’re being neutral.

The truth is a lot of the time, people respond to your energy and meet your energy in a conversation – so remember that YOU have some control in how your conversation goes.

How do you want to show up in this conversation? If you were feeling confident and at ease, how would you approach things?

Once you figure out the answer to this 👆🏿, then challenge yourself to think of one tangible, small way you can lean into that energy during this conversation, and how that might shift the conversation if you show up in that way.

If you’ve read everything I shared and you’re still thinking, “Gieselle, it’s just not that easy!”

You’re probably right – and it might be time for you to schedule a call to chat about 1:1 coaching.

During 1:1 coaching, I’ll support you in strategic ways to navigate difficult conversations and people in your workplace, and I’ll also support you to feel less anxious, more confident, and secure navigating conflict in the workplace.

We’ll ensure that you’re always showing up as the confident leader and individual that you want to be – no matter what the conversation is about or who it’s with.

(Seriously, it’s possible!)

Is that a reality you want to live in?

If so, let’s chat about 1:1 coaching.

xx,

Gieselle