I felt like a failure

Jun 17, 2021

For the past four months, it’s been painful for me to use my hands.

Typing on the computer hurts. Using my phone hurts.

It’s made working and living in the modern world pretty frustrating, tbh.

For a while, I resisted it.


Because I “had to work”.

I didn’t want to slow down, because transparently, I was terrified that if I slowed down, I wouldn’t make money.

And if I didn’t make money, I’d be a failure.

And if I was a failure, I’d disappoint my employees, family, and friends.

Here’s the crazy part: none of these feelings were true.

If I slowed down, I would still make great money because I have a bunch of recurring income.

If I didn’t make money, I wouldn’t be a failure. I’d be a normal entrepreneur who hit an obstacle and needed to pivot.

If I failed, I know without a doubt that my family, friends, and employees would rally together with endless support.

So, if I know all of those things to be true in my heart, why did I freak out about slowing down?

The answer lies in capitalism, trauma, and our mindset.

Capitalism tells us day in and day out that our only value to the world is what we do and what we make and when we truly don’t have enough, it can make our lives miserable.

As folks of color, most of our lineages have suffered at the hands of capitalism.

We’ve been enslaved, exploited, and shut out from work opportunities that could allow us to support ourselves. 

Many of us have experienced real, true scarcity.

Those generational experiences have created real trauma in our bodies (and minds).

So, our body does it’s job and tries to protect us from experiencing that scarcity again…

… and one of the ways it does that is by reminding us of the worst possible scenarios, in hopes that this fear will motivate us to stay safe.

The problem with this, as we all know, is the “safe” thing makes us really fucking miserable.

The “safe” thing isn’t actually “safe” because in order to chase it, we have to oppress our inner truth and wisdom.

And as we all know, oppression is never truly safe.

So, how do we stop fearing for our safety and start feeling safe to slow down and stop defining our success by what we do and how much money?

Honestly, it’s really complex.


But one way that works is:

  1. We have to start building awareness around when following our needs, wants, and intuition feels unsafe
  2. We have to start to understand WHY it feels unsafe (spoiler alert: it’s almost always internalized capitalism or white supremacy culture)
  3. We have to learn how to access and cultivate safety for ourselves so that we can help ourselves feel safe, even when our body thinks we’re not
  4. We have to take tiny steps forward to stretch our capacity to go against the grain


Long story short, we have to understand where the trauma of internalized capitalism lives in our bodies and minds, and we have to slowly and intentionally heal that trauma.


When we heal that, we finally are able to…

…make our expansive dreams come true

…take responsible risks

…rest without worry

…trust our intuition

…stop chasing the white man’s dream and start walking purposefully towards our own


If you’re realizing this is the work you need to do so that you can finally step into your power and start creating the impact and change that our communities need, I have good news.

This is the work we do every single day in my six month group coaching program, Revolutionary Rising.

We create a safe, BIPOC only space and give you the hybrid of 1:1 and group coaching that you need to finally thrive.

Want to learn more? Apply here.

We have a cohort starting in July. I’d be honored to have you join us.

Connect with me

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