Something I’ve really been focused on for the last couple of years is building community.
But over the past few months, I’ve been at a complete standstill.
Even though I want deeper community where I live, there’s been a strong inner voice that has been saying, “fuck it.”
I know this feeling isn’t going to help me move towards my goal, but I’ve been struggling to overcome it on my own.
So, I decided to bring it to my personal support system: my somatic therapist.
When we went into my body to uncover what’s going on, we found something really surprising:
My 13 year old self’s pain was actually getting in the way.
In retrospect, it makes complete sense.
When I was 13, my mom moved us to a completely new place, and I didn’t make one friend the year that I lived there. I was isolated, lonely, and felt really different from the kids in my town.
(That’s what happens when you move a Black girl from the city to a rural, white as hell small town.)
And while my situation today is completely different –I chose my move, I’ve made some friends, there are people of color here– I completely understand why my nervous system is triggering those feelings from when I was 13, too.
Alright – why exactly am I giving you an inside scoop into my therapy session?
It’s because what has been happening with me is probably happening to you, too.
What most people don’t realize is that when you’re experiencing fear, lack of safety, or internal roadblocks as a leader of color…
…you’re rarely responding to what’s happening in the current moment. What you’re actually afraid of, avoiding, or feeling unsafe around is something that happened in the past that your nervous system has learned to be afraid of.
And now that a similar situation has popped up in the present moment, your nervous system creates these roadblocks, anxieties, etc. in order to keep you from taking action that it believes will lead you to be hurt again.
⚡Avoiding a conversation with your boss? It might be because your parents taught you that it’s dangerous to speak up to authority figures (especially white ones).
⚡Overworking yourself constantly? You might be responding to how much community members praised you for being a “hardworking, good kid” growing up.
⚡Procrastinating on an important task? You’re probably just remembering how hard and overwhelming this task has been in the past.
You haven’t been able to overcome these issues because you’re trying to solve the present day issue…
…but what you ACTUALLY need to do is help yourself find closure and healing around what happened in the past.
Is this ringing true for you?
If so, good news.
Helping you uncover what’s actually getting in your way as a leader and healing it is the exact work that I do with leaders of color through 1:1 coaching.
In 1:1 coaching, we dive deep every single call so that when you bring up your leadership issues, we aren’t just giving you surface level solutions.
We go to the root of the issue – whether that’s from your childhood, your last bad boss, or a terrible relationship – so that you can finally heal once and for all, instead of having this issue continually recurring and haunting you.
Are you ready to do the deep work so that you can finally show up as the most brilliant, vibrant version of yourself at work and at home?
If so, let’s schedule a time to talk to each other.
My coaching practice is currently on a waitlist – but if you want the next available slot when one opens up, you should get on my calendar now.
Sending you love,