In a session with a client the other day, they were telling me about how they finally weren’t experiencing imposter syndrome.

They could see that their experiences and skills prepared them for this next step in their career, and instead of feeling nervous that they wouldn’t be good enough…

…they knew they’d kick ass.

There’s a lot of things we worked on together to get them to this place, btw.

 

I helped them:

👉🏾 heal old workplace trauma, so they wouldn’t think they’d repeat the same mistakes & experiences at this new organization

👉🏾  see their strengths and successes in the workplace clearly, so that they finally saw themselves clearly and could communicate their value when they interviewed for this new role

👉🏾 focus on all the evidence they have that they’d absolutely kill it in their next role

 

I was ecstatic that we had finally overcome their imposter syndrome, but there was just one tiny problem:

When they were listing all the reasons why they were going to kick ass in this new role, they said, “not to brag…”

Here’s why I had a problem with this:

Speaking up about your expertise and achievements is not bragging.

 

It is simply stating objective facts about all the things you have worked twice as hard to achieve.

Feeling like you’re “bragging” when you’re simply stating your accomplishments and skills is one of the reasons why you’re seeing mediocre white men advance in their career while you’re not.

See, white men don’t come from cultures that tell you to simultaneously succeed, but not to get a big head about it.

They’re cheered on for having a big head about it.

They’re also men, so they’re following the ideals of masculinity when they own…well, I won’t say their skills….but what they imagine to be their skills. (lol, sorry not sorry)

If you’re a woman, you’ve also been socialized to be humble, and to be the supporting character for the men in your life.  You may have even had family members tell you to dumb yourself down, and “let a man be a man”.

*sigh*

Needing to be “humble” or being worried about bragging can be a really hard habit to break, because you are likely still receiving messages from people in your community that this is unacceptable…

…or you’re deeply aware of the privileges that you’ve had that have created these successes, which others in your family didn’t have access to.

It is, however, a pattern you need to break, so that you can stop making yourself small for other people’s comfort, and begin to advocate and speak up for yourself and what you truly deserve.

This is a perfect instance as to why 1:1 coaching is so supportive – because it’s easy enough to know you need to break this pattern, but it’s hard to do so without someone providing you with personalized exercises (and accountability) to kick your unhelpful habits to the curb.

In 1:1 coaching, I’ll help you externally start speaking up about your successes without shame and owning your accomplishments…

…but the biggest and most important change is that I’ll help you stop worrying so damned much about what other people think.

👆🏾👆🏾 This is likely the root of the inner voice that makes you feel ashamed to claim your wins – so we’ll do the work to shift your focus from what everyone else thinks about you, to what you think about yourself.

(Because spoiler alert: no matter what you do, you can’t control how other people feel about you.)

I’m discussing this in regards to owning your shit, but the work we’ll do in 1:1 coaching also relates to any mindset issue that’s keeping you small.

 

Whether it’s…

❌ feeling anxious when things feel uncertain and out of your control

❌ experiencing discomfort when it comes to getting more money and more success

❌ struggling with survivor’s guilt

❌ unlearning all the fucked up shit that you learned from family, school, and the PWIs you’ve been in before

 

…together, we’ll look at how it’s getting in the way of you speaking up and achieving your goals, and we’ll create a sustainable, long term plan and new habits that will support you to get rid of both the internal and external obstacles that keep you small.

Know that you need help to step up, own your shit, and get rid of some of the mindfuckery that’s in your head?

You should schedule a 60 minute call to discuss whether 1:1 coaching with me is a fit for you.

During your call, we’ll dive into your goals, what’s getting in your way of achieving them, and what’s the root cause of those obstacles (so that we’re fixing the real problem, instead of the surface level issue).

After I understand what’s going on, I’ll share a detailed, step by step plan of what you need to work on to go from where you are now, to where you want to be.

If it feels like a fit for us to work together, you and I will discuss the logistics of what 1:1 coaching could look like for you.

Don’t worry – if coaching isn’t right for you, I’ll 100% let you know.  It’s important to me that if you invest in this growth, you are able to get what you want…and if I can’t give that to you, I’ll tell you so.

Want to learn more about how coaching could support you?

Click here to schedule your free, 60 minute call.

It’s time for you to stop being humble, and claim your spotlight.

 

xx,

Gieselle