I was in my feelings last week
Earlier this week, I spoke to y’all about values and intentionality and how important it is to reassess your relationship with them constantly.
Well, what if I told you that intentionality is exactly why I was almost too in my feelings to record a podcast episode today?
Yup, in all my messiness, I wanted to take a second to talk about why I doubted my intentionality and purpose for a split second.
It all started when the account books attacked.
As I do every January, I cracked open my books and took a good look at my 2020 numbers.
And I was disappointed.
Because in my mind, the only thought I had was ‘girl, these numbers do not align with the goals you set for your business at the beginning of 2020’.
Now make no mistake about it, I was doing well. I’d earned more money in 2020 than in 2019, I had several successful programs, was able to pay myself more AND hire someone full-time.
Damn, those are all wins in any book and I know thousands of people would love to be where I’m at today.
But, that’s not what I felt, holed up in my desk with my numbers dancing in front of me.
For a split second, I felt like a failure.
Because despite all the strides I’ve made decolonizing my mind and my business, the story still exists in my head that I’m a fraud if I don’t hit wild ass goals in a particular time frame.
If you’re reading this and going ‘Gieselle, girl, what happened?’, I look back and think the same thing.
But, the real truth is that I do get in those zones.
Even though it’s my #1 intention to take things slow, to work towards sustainable growth, to distance myself from quantum leaping and the hustle culture, I’m human too.
And when I see other entrepreneurs in my space having billion dollar launches and talking about their insane margins, I do get in my feelings.
I know it’s all capitalist bullshit, I know it’s not who I am, but I can’t help it.
That’s something that I have to deal with. And, if you decide to run your business the revolutionary way, it’s constant friction that’ll be a part of your life too.
Because it’s easy to be a capitalist.
That’s the cold hard truth y’all.
It’s easy to give into hustle culture, trying hitting goal after goal and wanting to earn more and more money while paying your staff peanuts.
We’ve been raised to believe in it.
So actively going against it is fucking difficult.
But, it’s so worth it.
Looking back at 2020 now, I now realize that it was the most fulfilling business year I’ve ever had. Money aside, I was serving my community, my clients were going on to do some goddamn incredible things, and I was finally resting.
I feel fucking successful.
And it’s the first time I’ve felt that way in a long time.
So in today’s episode, I talk about what got me out of my funk (hint: it starts with an ‘m’ and ends in ‘indset’), why it’s so fucking important, why you should be proud of yourself right now (if you’re in your feelings like me) and much more.
Think of this episode as a cheat sheet you keep in your back pocket for whenever you get all in your feelings about your version of success not measuring up to what society thinks success should look like.
If you STILL feel this way, I want to help! Consider checking out Revolutionary Rising, my group coaching program where we tackle this kind of mindset work on the daily.
Until next time precious,
We Can’t Thrive Alone!
The best part about building a Revolutionary life is knowing that your fam’s got your back. Join the Revolutionary Changemakers of Color Facebook group for women and femmes of color who want to create change, and do it THEIR way.