this is a huge problem for my clients

Sep 9, 2021

Something that’s been coming up a ton in my coaching with clients is:

“What do I want?”

This is a question I ask folks constantly in our coaching (it’s even in my application to work with me) because this question, and it’s answer, unlocks the key to our thriving, revolutionary lives.

There’s just one big problem…

When you’ve been living in a white supremacist, capitalist, patriarchal world, answering that question can feel really fucking hard.


Because we spend our lives inundated with what we should want…

…and when we express wanting something different, we are punished, or told that we are wrong.

We can all easily name what we’re supposed to want:

  • Money
  • Fancy job
  • Fancy house
  • Fancy vacations
  • A heterosexual relationship
  • Two kids
  • A dog

But I bet when you think about naming what you actually want (outside of money!), you feel a little bit of tension & discomfort.

You might start feeling unhelpful thoughts pop up, like, “you can’t do that” or “yeah, but HOW will you make it happen?”

If you’re really blocked, your mind might even go blank.

If you feel any tension at all about knowing or wanting what you want…

…you need to work on that shit right now.


Because it is truly impossible to thrive if you don’t know what you want.

Contrary to popular belief, thriving isn’t about money or fancy things.

(If it was, rich & famous people wouldn’t constantly be so fucking miserable.)

Thriving is all about knowing what you want, and having the courage to chase after it.

Thriving is living the life you want to live, rules be damned.

If I had to guess, I’d say you’re likely in one of the following places:

  1. You struggle to feel clear & solid in what you want

If this is you: what’s likely happening here is that you are so wrapped up in what’s the “right” thing to want or “how” you’ll make it happen, or what’s realistic, that you’re ignoring your gut & intuition…

…because good news: you always know what you want- you’re just so used to listening to mindfuckery that you don’t hear yourself sometimes.

Your path to thriving is to re-learn how to quiet your unhelpful thoughts, and turn up the volume on your truth & inner wisdom (it’s possible! I do it with clients all the time.)

  1. You secretly know what you want, but you’re scared to go after it & fail.

This one shows up because it feels unsafe to go outside the norm. You’re worried about money, stability, and losing the support & love of your loved ones.

Your path to thriving is to practice moving forward in creating what you want, but doing it in small, safe ways… and marking the evidence that it’s safe to chase what you want, and when you do, things go well.

Once you do enough safe, small things, your capacity to take risks and go after what you want will expand, and you’ll start really chasing that thriving life you want.

  1. You know what you want. You’re ready to go after it but you’re caught up in the “how”.

For this one, you’re wrapped up in the white supremacist idea of “only one right way,” and it’s blocking you from finding & trusting your right way.

Your path to thriving is to remember there’s no “right” way to do anything. There’s just the “right” and “perfect” way for you- so the question you want to ask yourself is, “if I trusted myself & my ideas, how would I make this happen?”

I know what you’re thinking,

“That all sounds great, but how the hell do I do any of that?”

I have good news-

This is all the work I break down for my clients, on a much more detailed & individualized level… every single day.

If you’re ready to know what you want, turn down the mindfuckery & trauma that tells you that you can’t have it, and start making courageous leaps to turn your wanting into reality…

… then you should apply to find out if we are a fit to work together.

When you apply to work with me, I’ll share with you 3-5 main blocks I see to your thriving, and I’ll break down what you need to do to overcome them.

If we’re feeling the vibe, we’ll also talk about whether it’s a fit for us to work together in my group program for women & femmes of color, or one on one.

Either way, you’ll leave our conversation with more clarity, some new support, and a better idea of what you need to do to thrive.

Ready to chase after what you want?

Apply here.


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