what white coaches miss about “visibility”
I was talking to some of my clients last week, and as always, we ended up talking about marketing our businesses on social media (especially Instagram) and how shitty it can feel.
We were also talking about some of the tired, crusty advice that they’ve gotten about Instagram:
- Just push through your fear, show up, and it’ll get better
- You need to share your personal feelings, truth, or story or else you won’t sell
- You just need to tell yourself more helpful stories about sharing on social media, and it’ll get better (I’ll be honest, I’ve peddled this crusty lie before)
- You need to show up every day or else you won’t sell, get momentum, etc.
I don’t have the time to talk about all of these today – but let me break down the first piece of “typical” advice…
”You just need to push through your fear, show up, and it’ll get better”
…and why that advice is wrong (especially for folks of color):
This piece of advice is 100% fucked up because it’s advising you to ignore the real signals your body is sending you.
When you feel unsafe, scared, or just plain resistant to sharing your work, your body is saying:
🚨“red alert! if you share here, something bad will happen.”🚨
It’s not just doing this for no reason, even though, yes, it is super frustrating.
Your body is doing this because something bad did happen in the past to make you feel unsafe speaking up.
You might have been:
😓silenced by family that valued quiet children over expressive ones
😓laughed at in school for sharing your ideas
😓speaking up in a meeting and someone (def a white dude) stole your ideas.
😓tone policed, told you’re “too much” or “too loud”
…and if we’re being honest, …
…all of those things have happened to you, haven’t they?
When we look at it from that perspective, the reason why you hate sharing in spaces like Instagram makes complete fucking sense.
Because if you’ve been unsafe showing up with people you know (and sometimes love) – who’s to say you’ll be safe when you put your message out there for thousands of people to see?
Your body understands this, and as a result, it says, “stay silent. don’t share your truth”…
…in hopes to keep you safe from further emotional, physical, or financial harm.
(and it doesn’t stop saying that, no matter how much you just “push past the fear and show up”)
So, if you’re not supposed to just get over yourself, and push past that body alarm, what are you supposed to do?
You’ve gotta do these three things:
1️⃣cultivate an internal sense of safety in your body, so that when posting on IG starts to feel unsafe and you begin feeling anxious and want to hide…
…you can connect to the fact that you are safe, and turn off the alarm bells going off in your body.
2️⃣heal the harm that made you feel unsafe speaking up and being seen in the past…so that this baggage finally stops getting in your way and you can market your baggage without the internal drama today
3️⃣make the places where you share your messages as safe for you as humanly possible, so that you can confidently share your message, knowing that you’re among friends. (It’s possible, even on Instagram.)
This is why, if you’re struggling to show up and be seen out on these instagram streets, it’s important that you work with a coach who helps you listen to your body and nervous system and actually heal the root of the issue…
…instead of working with a coach who just gives you the typical hacks to push forward and ignore what’s actually going on.
When you work with the body and heal the root of your issues…
…all this visibility drama you’ve been feeling for years will finally stop being a problem, and you’ll be able to sell louder, more often, and with ease.
(Because let’s be honest, you’ve been just “pushing through” for years…and that shit just ain’t working.)
Ready to finally put your visibility drama behind you?
Then we should talk about working together for 1:1 coaching.
In my 1:1 coaching container, we work on:
- feeling safe showing up loud and proud in your big, bold message
- feeling confident that when you speak, people want to hear it
- sharing the full, unedited version of yourself (which includes your intersectional identities)
- marketing your work in a way that works for you (and no, that might not be on social media)
…and so much more.
Curious? Click here to learn more and to schedule your 60 minute call.
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