worried about harming folks? read this

Aug 18, 2022

Last week, I got an email response to one of my newsletters.

In that note, a native femme shared with me that I had harmed them.

The email in question included a gif, which to me, was of a harmless cartoon that featured brown people.

This person, however, saw the truth – the cartoon is a white-washed, colonizer myth that is problematic and harmful to native people.

Long story short, by not being as thoughtful as I could have been and investigating where my gifs are coming from, I fucked up and harmed someone.

I know what you’re likely thinking.

This is exactly the shit you’re afraid of.

You’re terrified that as hard as you try to be different and “better” and safer than white folks, you’re going to fuck up like this and harm someone.

Can I be honest with you?

You don’t need to be afraid of this, because it’s going to happen.

You’re 100% going to harm people…

…because you’re an imperfect human being who is learning and making mistakes, just like everyone else.

You’re going to be unsafe for some people…

…because it’s impossible for any person, community, or space to be 100% safe for someone, 100% of the time.

Wanting to be a perfect leader who never harms anyone is a noble pursuit…

…but it’s also a super limiting pursuit that is steeped in perfectionism (aka a tenet of white supremacy culture).

It’s also a desire that keeps you small.

Wanting to be “perfect” keeps you

🤢mince-ing your words
🤢not putting yourself out there as boldly as you might like

because you want to make sure you say the “right” things and are worried about the blow-back.

If you’re reading this, and you’re like, oops, it me.

Let me tell you the same thing I tell my 1:1 clients when this situation pops up:

Harming someone doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.

You don’t need to feel guilty, or beat yourself up.

What you do need to do is take accountability for your impact, then do better.


Don’t mince your words for fear of fucking it up or hurting someone – because the same words that may harm someone, may also set someone else free.

Know that perfectionism and fear are getting in your way of

👉🏾taking action
👉🏾speaking up
👉🏾being the revolutionary leader that you want to be

Then you may want to schedule a call to discuss working with me for 1:1 coaching.

On this call, I’ll share 3-5 focus areas that you’ll want to work on in order to expand into the revolutionary leadership you’re craving to embody, and what you’ll need to do to overcome them.

Talk to you soon, precious.



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